You know, one time I read a fanfic and it triggered my psychosis, sent me into a month long episode THEN a whole year later I was on ao3 just mindlessly scrolling, I came across the fanfic title and it gave me a panic attack, but something compelled me to click it, i didn’t read it but i did scroll through it, why? mental illness. So like… yaThis is me responding to your old(?) post about someone else’s fiction not being able to hurt you, this is probably just a me thing but mental illness makes you do things and react to things in insane ways that sometimes you cant control. I knew while reading that it was affecting me in some way, but I kept reading because well, I’m mentally ill, and then a month of my life dissapeared lolI think I’m trying to make a point about something but I’m not sureI did after the fact comment to the author and just kinda, told them about what happened, but I didn’t harrassed them or something, –but when something does what this fanfiction did to me then you’re basically obligated to let the creator know I think(they are a really good writer), I’m an adult and the fanfic was in the ballpark of something I would read and if like, 59% of it was taken out and it had a happy ending I would be fine but oh well Oh boy, I’m starting to have a panic attack just typing this out holy hell anyways uh, I’m not disagreeing with you(?) but I am saying, don’t be too quick to dismiss someone who says a piece of fiction fucked with them? idk sorry, have a good one
My friend, the fiction didn’t harm you.
Your mental illness harmed you.
Random writers on the internet are not responsible for managing your mental illness for you.
You are responsible for managing your mental illness.
I knew while reading that it was affecting me in some way, but I kept reading because well, I’m mentally ill
This is self harm. You were engaging in self-harming behavior by continuing to read a fanfiction that you knew was triggering to you.
👉 You are responsible for managing your mental illness.
👉 Writers are not responsible for managing your mental illness for you.
And I hate to tell you this but messaging the author about it was absolutely harassing the author.
Gently, I gotta suggest that if you can be triggered to a psychotic state by reading a fic and if you have a panic attack sending a message via Tumblr — maybe the internet is not good for your mental health, anon.
I’d like to genuinely suggest, anon, that you take a step back to ask yourself why you chose to read something that you knew would harm you not just that first time, but then again, knowing full-well what the contents contained and what they could do to your well-being.
You cannot use your mental illness as an excuse for your choices. I have multiple clinically diagnosed anxiety disorders and whenever I see something that makes me feel anxious or uncomfortable or squicked, I either quickly scroll away from it, or I blacklist a tag, or I block the op altogether (depending on what platform you’re on).
You have to set your own boundaries for yourself.
You have to curate your own online experience.
The majority of tv shows and movies and games and books do not come with the extensive warnings that most fanfiction authors give as a courtesy.
That author did not tell you to click their story. You were under no pressure to click it. You chose to click it. Twice. And those are your own stated facts.
But you took it even further. You told that poor author that their content hurt you – that’s blaming your own personal choices on someone else’s creative expression. This is called, in the world of psychology, guilt tripping; you feel wronged because a fanfic had content that upset you and therefore you think the author should feel bad for you.
And then. And then. You used that same guilt tripping on the person you sent the ask to and went ‘I’m having a panic attack while typing this’.
You know what my first thought would be if I had a panic attack mid-typing something to someone? I’d close that window regardless of what I’ve already typed and I’d block the person if I felt I couldn’t move past that reason I opened their ask box. You can’t blame the person you chose to open up the ask box of for your own anxiety not being properly managed.
I strongly suggest you do some self-searching as to why you, as an adult, think you can excuse any of this by saying ‘my mental illness made me do it, you know?’. Because I, as a mentally ill adult, could not relate less to anything you described in that ask.
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