The child entrapped in this kind of horror develops the belief that
she is somehow responsible for the crimes of her abusers. Simply by
virtue of her existence on earth, she believes that she has driven the
most powerful people in her world to do terrible things. Surely, then,
her nature must be thoroughly evil. The language of the self becomes a language of abomination. Survivors
routinely describe themselves as outside the compact of ordinary human
relations, as supernatural creatures or nonhuman life forms. They
think of themselves as witches, vampires, whores, dogs, rats, or snakes.
Some use the imagery of excrement or filth to describe their inner
sense of self. In the words of an incest survivor: “I am filled with
black slime. If I open my mouth it will pour out. I think of myself as
the sewer silt that a snake would breed upon.”
I’m so fucking embarrassed. I hate not getting it when someone is lying to be funny. I hate April fool’s day. I hate coming across April fool’s jokes later and not knowing I’m not supposed to believe them
