and specifically about the feeling I’ve been turning over in my head for…a while, I think, about the way that there’s this ambient assumption on Tumblr (and quite possibly elsewhere, this is just where I am) of…sub/masochist-as-normal-state, or at least sub/masochist-as-fine-but-not-questionable state, and it feels like that, on the flip side, ends up incidentally or purposefully constructing doms/sadists as the deviants, as inherently “sus.”
and it lines up to a certain extent with the way that the conversations I see on this website about kink/BDSM often come from a sort of “presumed sub” perspective that leaves very little room for the thoughts and feelings of doms as valuable or important, and thoughts about an essay I read a while back that talked about the comparable societal acceptability of “fantasizing about being hurt” vs. “fantasizing about hurting people,” and how “sadist” is a dirty word in a particular way that “masochist” isn’t
it feels like sometimes there’s this sense that (a) it’s normal to have a little bit of sub/masochist tendencies, that’s fine but (b) the only acceptable way to be a dom/sadist is if you feel bad about it. the ideal is to feel vaguely guilty, and mostly do it for the sake of somebody else’s pleasure rather than your own.
I made a post a while ago that I can’t find right now but it was, if I recall, “nails sign to tumblr door that says "doms have feelings too”“ and I was joking but also I’m not.
These people just want doms to have such a terrible time, it’s fucking wild. How is it okay to wish that on people
ppl complain about not having any doms locally and it’s bc it’s fundamentally riskier to be known as a dom than a sub. i cannot tell you how many posts on lex are like "no dom(me)s around here :((!” and also post things like “cannot believe people are posting IN PUBLIC that they want to find subs for [whatever kink they dislike] play!! get therapy!!”
