Shout-out to the crotchety old fucks on otherkin forums circa 2009. You weren’t the warmest bunch, but you’re probably the reason why I didn’t fall prey to cults, spiritual predators, or conspiracy thinking.
I grew up in an a-religious household and in a-religious neighborhoods located in blue states. Anything I knew about spirituality or divinity I learned through the grapevine.
My first spiritual community was an otherkin forum (I believe it was otherkin.net? It shut down a while ago). It was run and curated by tired, somewhat-grouchy adults in their 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s.
They were a pretty frigid, humorless bunch. The culture they curated was governed by critical thought, strong discernment, and thorough self-reflection. Forum members who couldn’t handle scrutiny didn’t stick around.
I learned many important things on this forum. The admin and mods taught me the difference between “identifying with something” and “actually being that something,” and would point out the differences between authentic experiences versus wishful thinking / playacting.
They would ask questions that forced you to reflect on your process and methodology, especially if you were still exploring your identity. Nothing was taken at face-value.
I learned about “fluffy bunnies,” which taught me there’s a difference between reputable teachers and people wishing to rope you in on their MLM scheme.
I read stories about spiritual predators, which taught me the importance of staying alert and prioritizing safety over wishful thinking.
I saw members use logic-based reasoning to come to their spiritual conclusions, which hardened my mind against faith-based reasoning magical thinking.
I learned it didn’t pay to fool others. I learned it didn’t pay to fool yourself.
Was it a perfect online community? No, of course not. It had a distinct power hierarchy and its own fair share of drama. Nevertheless, it prioritized the education and safety of its members in ways I now realize are very rare.
By the time I joined other forums and spiritual communities, I had enough discernment knowledge to curate the experience I wanted. I didn’t know any specific red flags or dogwhistles, but I knew to question anything that felt too fantastical, too performative, or too convenient.
The rule of thumb I learned was this: “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” It’s not a perfect method—can lend itself to too much pessimism—but it may have saved my ass more than I’ll ever know.
…I got to thinking about this more, so I want to mention it:
You may have noticed that “valid/invalid” never played a role in my experience with this community.
It’s not that validation was withheld—it’s that it was irrelevant.
If we were to go back in time and make a post asking, “I experience ABC thing but don’t experience XYZ thing, am I still valid?” the reply would be something like, “How would we know? It’s your experience, you tell us.”
Additionally, this question is seeking confirmation via mutual agreement, rather than confirmation via process, which would have raised a number of concerns: First, community agreement doesn’t make something true, and second, this question is an invitation for spiritual predators to shape your mind.
Now, 2008 internet was very different than 2022 internet, and the culture around stranger danger has changed. Additionally, it’s not my place to say what the otherkin community and similar should or shouldn’t do.
…But it does concern me that the priorities in spiritual circles seem to be shifting away from thinking critically in favor of feeling good. It really smacks of Evangelism.
