and specifically about the feeling I’ve been turning over in my head for…a while, I think, about the way that there’s this ambient assumption on Tumblr (and quite possibly elsewhere, this is just where I am) of…sub/masochist-as-normal-state, or at least sub/masochist-as-fine-but-not-questionable state, and it feels like that, on the flip side, ends up incidentally or purposefully constructing doms/sadists as the deviants, as inherently “sus.”
and it lines up to a certain extent with the way that the conversations I see on this website about kink/BDSM often come from a sort of “presumed sub” perspective that leaves very little room for the thoughts and feelings of doms as valuable or important, and thoughts about an essay I read a while back that talked about the comparable societal acceptability of “fantasizing about being hurt” vs. “fantasizing about hurting people,” and how “sadist” is a dirty word in a particular way that “masochist” isn’t
it feels like sometimes there’s this sense that (a) it’s normal to have a little bit of sub/masochist tendencies, that’s fine but (b) the only acceptable way to be a dom/sadist is if you feel bad about it. the ideal is to feel vaguely guilty, and mostly do it for the sake of somebody else’s pleasure rather than your own.
I made a post a while ago that I can’t find right now but it was, if I recall, “nails sign to tumblr door that says "doms have feelings too”“ and I was joking but also I’m not.
Discussion ¬