For awhile due to a traumatizing experience I had when I was twelve, I’ve been uncomfortable with age-gap ships involving older women with younger men. Every other age-gap dynamic hasn’t bothered but that one(and helps me cope), and my only exception is Yumi x Ulrich from Code Lyoko because I was shipping that since I was seven. Anyways, I bring this up because right now I’m trying to overcome my discomfort with a little exposure therapy. But with canon stuff. I started with watching Fruits Basket. I was just having a normal watch through because it’s my favorite romance shojo series of all times. There’s also a few age-gap ships in the show, but two of them are of the dynamic that makes me uncomfortable. One is a one-year gap, not so bad, and between kids so it’s cute. But the other one had a two-three year gap. It used to bother me, but not so much anymore. I guess you could say it went from a trigger to a quick now. Now I’m reading a manga series where the main relationship is between a college age girl and a third-year highschool guy and it’s going well. Surprisingly going well.
I’m so glad you’re using fiction to help and empower yourself, anon, and thrilled to hear that you’re making progress.
Remember that recovery is never linear, and its okay to take things slow.
Take care and thank so much for sharing your experience!
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