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When people– and especially young women– are attracted to “abusive” and “controlling” and “violent” male characters in fiction–
The fantasy is not about being abused, or controlled.
The fantasy is about a partner who is devoted to you, who takes care of you, who will defend you, to a larger than life degree.
And because it’s fantasy, the person doing the fantasizing is in control.
The person having the fantasy knows for sure that when her fictional man says “I’m doing this because I love you” it’s true, and not an excuse for abuse.
Because it’s a fantasy. It’s a story.
“Abusive” romantic leads in stories don’t lead to women dating abusers any more than stories about unicorns lead to people buying horses.
#the person doing the fantasizing is in control!!!#she can ask the “controlling” mmc to stop and he WILL stop#that’s the opposite of abuse#that IS the fantasy
THIS! ☝️
#This is precisely why I like ‘problematic’ romances#I like taking a pair or behavior that wouldn’t be okay or work out in real life and /making/ them work#knowing–by virtue of being the one in full control of the fantasy–that every questionable thing one might do to the other IS okay#that it won’t harm them or ruin their life#but instead will fit perfectly into the puzzle piece edges I carefully designed for each of them as the fantasy’s maker#and that they’ll in fact enrich and make each other happier instead#controlling behavior from A? well luckily B happens to really get off on being told what to do and feels more secure with guidance#C taking advantage? well surprise D ended up really liking it and now wants to be taken advantage of all the time and in all positions#E didn’t negotiate those kinks first? well that’s okay bcuz E intimately knows what F can handle and enjoys#the fantasy is in getting to take something fucked up and making it safe – in being able to /control/ its outcome#discourse#reblog
you get it. 💖
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