andreabandrea:

A screenshot of a Tweet by a person named Da Meme Hunta. The Tweet says, "Average Ace Attorney witness". The image in the tweet is a picture of a screenshot of a man giving an interview on BBC news. The screenshot from BBC is captioned: "Andrew Drinkwater, Water Research Centre". ALT

i havent been able to stop thinking about this post ever since i saw it a few years ago. i couldn’t stop thinking about how i would Ace Attorney-ify this otherwise average man into one of the series’ over-the-top witnesses.

i’d like to introduce you to Mr. Drinkwater, minor witness in the refreshing case “Drink to the Turnabout”. (With apologies to the real Andrew Drinkwater, if he or anyone who knows him in real life ever sees this).

in this case, Phoenix & friends must solve the mystery behind a drowning at the Water Research Centre, in which foul play is suspected and for which an innocent person was arrested. Mr. Drinkwater claims to have seen the whole thing.

Multiple crude drawings of an old man with a head shaped like a water droplet, with a comb-over haircut that looks like an ocean wave. He is smiling and wearing half-circle 'fishbowl' type glasses. He is wearing a suit and a tie, the tie being water droplet shaped. His coat pocket has a handkerchief in it that makes it look a bit like a sailboat. See below for text written on image.ALT

The notes read:

  • Head designed to look like a water droplet
  • Hair designed to look like a comb-over and a ‘wave’
  • Glasses turned fishbowl shaped
  • Water droplet-like nose
  • Coat pocket looks like sailboat

When nervous:

  • Hair ‘droops’
  • Sweats a comical amount
  • Mouth gets squiggly

When angry:

  • Hair gets spiky like a lightning bolt
  • Tears of anger in the corners of his eyes

When shocked:

  • Spit take [Editor’s note: after a while, I think the Judge is like “can we get a mop in here? A towel, maybe?”]

Breakdown:

  • Huge spit take [Editors note: straight up into the air] that looks like a fountain.
  • Crying comically-drawn tears.
  • ‘Dries out’ into a raisin afterward.

Post-breakdown:

  • Mr Drinkwater’s wrinkles are accentuated and his face shape has changed to make him look more ‘dried out.’
  • His comb over falls apart, revealing he’s bald. [Editor’s note: I don’t know if the real Andrew Drinkwater is bald or not. This isn’t about the ‘real’ man himself, though.]

Mr. Drinkwater is mistaken about what he saw and ultimately lies on the stand to protect the deep secrets of the Water Research Centre. He’s seen again at the end of the case, congratulating Phoenix & co on their victory. He offers to buy everyone a round of drinks on him– drinks of water, that is.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.