( No Title )
The Mechanics of Emotion (17440 words) by thesavagesabretooth
Simon had spent the past year living like it was going to be his last year on earth– because it was. But now he is still alive, and there are questions unasked that demand answers. Just what is his relationship with the detective going to be going forward? And what complications of his own does Bobby Fulbright have up his sleeve?
Not to mention that there are two more members of the Phantom Organization who’ve been captured that Simon now needs to prosecute, and Athena must defend. Love and chaos in LA. In justice we trust– but who understands the mechanics of emotion?
–
December 27, 10:35 am
Simon and Athena had been poking around the so-called “Blackquill Manor” for the last half an hour.
The house was a bit of a mess– mostly from the various unused rooms having accumulated dust and cobwebs, save for the staple rooms of the ‘kitchen, living room, and bedroom’…as well as a room it seemed Aura set up as a home lab, complete with various robotics half completed on a worktable that looked like it’d seen it’s fair share of experiments pass it’s surface.
Athena had had a sneezing fit when she tried entering one of the bedrooms. Simon’s parents bedroom…and gotten a noseful of dust and negligence. She’d been surprised when Simon’s old room had been neat as a pin, and even MORE surprised when Aura’s room wasn’t a mad scientist’s rats nest, and more… elegantly comfortable.
It was clear that while it would make a pretty good living space for Simon– it’d be a bit of an ordeal to get it as clean as it should be.
“I guess she tended to get so wrapped up in her work that she kept forgetting to come home, or ah…to dust the rooms she didn’t think about.”
“Yes, it seems you were right to be dubious about my father’s bed,” Simon drawled as they made their way back to the living room.
“Yeahhhhh.” Athena grimaced as she sagged. “Don’t even wanna think about how many spiders may be in that thing.”
“Disgusting. The worst of it is that Aura will likely get cross with me if I decide to clean it up.”
“You really think so?” Athena’s eyes widened. “Huh…I mean…yeah actually knowing Aura you’re probably not wrong about that. She’d either laugh at it triggering my allergies if I helped, or get pissed with you messing with it…”
She tugged at her hair. “but your room’s really clean, at least.”
“So I noticed.” Simon crossed his arms, and glanced away. “My sister has clearly been taking care of it in my absence.”
“She was hoping that she could save you before your execution.” Athena mused, thinking back over Aura’s furious defiance of fate. The desperation that led her to force a retrial no matter who may get hurt.
She couldn’t say she wouldn’t have gone that far herself if she’d somehow failed to become a lawyer in time.
“Well, I suppose she got her wish– devil’s bargain that it was. I hope she’s enjoying the fruits of her labor.” Simon’s smile twitched, and Athena could feel his apprehension. It was clear that the thoughts of his sister were difficult for him.
Athena reached out to put her hand on his arm.
“I don’t know…I.. I can’t bring myself to visit just yet. But Simon, if you’re not ready to talk about her, or if there’s something you’re worried about..”
He leaned a little into her touch, and sighed. “There’s plenty that I’m worried about, I’m afraid, Athena. We both know it wouldn’t do any good for me to try to hide that from you. I visited her this morning and I… said very little about the last week.”
Athena felt a ping of nerves as she murmured “…Halblicht?”
She could imagine Aura’s reaction upon finding out, not only that the man who killed Athena’s mother was still alive, but was in some sort of ambiguous relationship with her brother…and that Simon had been lying about him for days.
It wasn’t only that– Athena had no idea if Aura even forgave her.
No, every detail of the past week was a time bomb waiting to go off in Aura Blackquill’s already tumultuous and volatile heart.
“Halblicht,” Simon agreed with a leaden tone. “I can’t imagine explaining it to her. Saying it to her face.”
Simon’s anxiety and sadness warred together in an emotion she didn’t often feel from Simon– shame.
Athena’s own emotions were complicated– unsure and nervous about her own future, but she knew one thing.
“You don’t have to feel ashamed , Simon. ” She squeezed his arm. “I don’t know if she’ll understand. Probably not right away. But you don’t have to feel ashamed of your feelings about him. Aura…I care about her too…but her wounds of the heart aren’t healed and it means she’s prone to lashing out. That’s not a reflection on your feelings.”
Simon put his hand on her arm, and she could feel the tension running through him. “Whatever you say, and however right or wrong you may be– I still feel that shame. I don’t know what might be able to abate it. But I will bear it for now, because well– ”
Athena felt the pulse of joy from Simon’s heart that could only be one thing. Love.
“Because you love him, Simon…” Athena gave him an outward smile. “I can tell.”
Her internal emotions had dulled to the low and quiet hum she was well used to, the bare flickers of personal anxiety and joy for Simon, and something unfamiliar and flickering
It’s no surprise he loves them. They’re charming, fascinating, kind even after everything, and provided comfort and affection during the worst time in Simon’s life. Even with the heartbreak and confusion, love bloomed easy enough. She quashed her anxieties, her selfish worries of ‘will I still fit’ in favor of nursing the quiet hum of joy to the surface and her smile.
“We’ll figure out what to do about Aura. I– I’ll do what I can.”
“Thank you, Athnea, I ah…” he trailed off and squeezed her hand. “I feel somewhat unworthy of your endless kindness.”
Athena’s smile didn’t leave as she squeezed his hand tightly.
“Simon, come on. You know you’re not unworthy. You’ve got seven years of missed kindness to catch back up on, right?” She looked up at him “and I care about you, you know? I really do want you to be happy. No matter what.”
“I appreciate that, Athena. I–” he glanced away, though his hand didn’t leave hers. “Why don’t we find out if my sister has any bloody coffee in the kitchen, shall we? Instead of standing around in the living room like a pair of awkward lumps.”
Athena squeezed his hand and started to drag him towards the kitchen. “Alright, alright…but if she doesn’t, I’ll buy us coffee on Mr. Wright’s dime as SOON as we leave, yeah?”
“Please do,” he scowled, following her toward his old family kitchen. “But, it’s not about the coffee in this case. It’s about…”
His anxiety flashed bright in her mind.
Athena twitched, a physical reaction to a strong emotion that reverberated through her as she pushed the kitchen door open and stepped inside.
“…” she let him continue.
“About us, Athena. If you’d hear me out. Finish the conversation we were having in the car.”
He didn’t look at her, instead glancing around at the kitchen that must once have been familiar to him.
Athena took a deep, shaky breath , before she flashed her biggest smile.
“I’m ready to get back to that, yeah. I’ll hear you out. Do you need me to help you look around, or…or should I have a seat?”
“Why don’t you help me if you don’t mind? It’s not as if I know my way around the kitchen any more,”
The kitchen was pin-neat, but absolutely filled with gadgets of all sorts…many of which looked like they’d never been used. Some kind of modified mixer sat quietly beside a spice cabinet fitted with a gauge displaying a temperature reading and some interface on one end of the countertop…and an absolutely ornate kitchen scale still bearing traces of flour from the last time it’d been used.
Athena wandered, trying to open the spice cabinet first before it beeped at her and she startled back .“Hah!?”
Immediately, Simon was there behind her to steady her before she could fall over. “Careful there. Or you’re going to make a nasty mess on my sister’s kitchen floor.”
Athena’s heart beat quickly as she leaned back against him “but it yelled at me, Simon!”
She couldn’t help the indignant whine in her voice.
“And? I yell at you all the time!” He huffed, but she felt his amusement and could tell that behind her he was grinning that sly grin of his. He righted her on her feet and then released her. “Another funny surprise from my sister it seems.”
Athena huffed. “I’m going to shake her when she’s out of prison. Shake her VERY MUCH for this.”
She had turned pink, and was brushing herself off when she looked up at it again. “Looks like you have to select what kind of spices you want…and it must unlock them? Is this thing temperature and air controlled?”
Simon observed the strange and elaborate cabinet configuration. “It would seem so. A nefarious barrier between ourselves and our goal.”
“She really is kind of a cad, isn’t she?” Athena huffed. “At least it’s only a button press away.”
She reached up and cycled before she found something reading ‘coffees and tea’ and hit the green enter button.
Off to her left, one of the cabinet lights flicked green and clicked open with a hiss of air pressure.
Simon bustled over toward the lighted cabinets. “Ah, here we are, I suppose? And one of these gadgets ought to make coffee. Shame she doesn’t have something simpler.”
“I think she thinks it’s organized in her own mind! And it’s probably alright for keeping food fresh for longer, too…” She shook her head. “You’re a samurai with a sister who’s a technology obsessed sci-fi antagonist.”
“How miserably anime,” he drawled. He got down the coffee, and went hunting for something resembling a coffee maker.
“You say that as if you hate anime, Simon.” Athena smiled at him as she trotted on his heels. “…and I know for a fact you’re kind of a huge nerd for it. I still gotta get you and Halblicht to sit down with me for …for..ah..”
She trailed off “Macross, Love across the universe…”
Next to the mixer there was a glass pitcher and some kind of gadget sat on top of it, perhaps her own take on an automatic coffee machine– with a twist. It didn’t look like it was going to explode if they used it.
Simon snorted as he looked over the gadgets poking at them with thinly veiled disdain.
“Get me some water, Athena,” he harumphed. “I think this is the right machine. As for anime, I prefer live action dramas. But I’ll admit I was intrigued by the one you were trying to show us.”
He measured out coffee grounds, putting them in the filter and giving it a dubious look as he put it into place.
Athena was all but stopped as she went to go grab the water, when she noticed a switch on the machine. “Simon, it looks like it’s connected to the sink system.”
She leaned over and pushed the switch down.
A small arm popped up a moment later, and began to swirl around the pot at a slow and steady interval as hot water poured from somewhere below the machine and into the grounds.
It was some sort of automatic pour over machine.
“You were intrigued though, huh? It’s one of my favorites, you know.”
Simon stared at the machine in disbelief and betrayal. He shook his head and focused on Athena instead.
“One of your favorites, hmm? Well, I’ll have to tolerate sitting through it for certain then.”
Athena laughed, leaning on the counter as the machine went about its work .
“Geeze Simon, you must be a riot at parties. But if you’ll deign to sit through it…I think you’ll have fun.“
Simon smirked and tapped his temple. "I wouldn’t know, I haven’t been to a party in a long time.”
He watched as the machine squirted steaming coffee into a pair of mugs.
“We’ll have to hold one for you special then.” Athena walked over and dropped herself into one of the chairs.
Simon picked up the full mugs, and plopped gracelessly down into the chair right next to her. He handed her a cup of coffee.
“Are you trying to torment me, then?”
Athena grabbed the coffee with an impish wink. “Maybe a little bit. I’m allowed to have my fun after you kept me busy for 7 years trying to save your butt.”
“I suppose I can concede that– but I won’t let you harass me uncontested. Consider yourself warned.” He smirked over his coffee and took a long sip. “Hmm. Adequate.”
“I’ve been warned , Mr. Blackquill.’ Athena took a sip of it as well. It, honestly was pretty good, but– she supposed Simon must have had some rigid standards when it came to coffee. “It’s pretty good?”
“It’s acceptable. A bitter brew to accompany a bitter conversation, I suppose.” He took another sip and looked over at her. “Would you like to start, or shall I?”
“Bitter conversation…” Athena’s smile faltered. “You should start, Simon. I’m likely to get tripped up trying to manage emotions and …and get nowhere fast.”
“Alright then, so be it.” He took a deep breath, and turned toward her more fully, coffee in his hands. “Athena– for seven long years I lived among scoundrels and the condemned, as a man likewise condemned. As a scoundrel. Such was my company. The dregs of society. The ruffians and outcasts. Such things leave their mark– and I was not so noble a man to begin with.”
His dark eyes stayed trained on her, watching her. His torrid emotions had become almost placid– not quiet, but harmonious. Inscrutable.
Athena nodded slowly. “…it’s only natural it’d leave a mark, Simon.”
She folded her hands around the coffee mug to stare him down. “Even if you didn’t commit the crime, socially speaking you were as much a criminal as the rest…”
“So I was. And so I am. I have known many kinds of scoundrels these last seven years. Walked among them. Learned their ways. Been changed by them. I strive to be a good man, Athena, but I am a ruffian.”
Athena’s brow furrowed slightly as she listened. It was true, of course, he’d been learning from ‘scoundrels and ruffians’ as he put it for 7 years. Made friends with them, including some who’d stepped back into the people around her’s lives as their sentences abated…
It was only natural that it’d change him from the man she’d known growing up, into the man she faced in court….but… “…can I ask you something, Simon?”
“You may,” he said evenly. “Though I have more to say.”
He gestured for her to speak.
“No…” Athena held her hand up. “Go on. This can wait till I hear the rest.”
Are you trying to convince me that you’re somehow not ‘noble’ enough for me?
He took a breath. “Very well. Athena– you deserve a good man. You deserve a prince who will ride into the sunset with you on a white horse. You deserve a man who will devote his whole heart to you, and to no one else. But I am not that man. I am a ruffian. And I know the ways of ruffians.”
I knew it. Her shoulders sagged, just the slightest as he continued and her eyes flicked down towards the table. He’s trying to convince me he’s not good enough. That I’m looking for…deserve…a prince to come riding to my rescue like we joked about that night. But I’m not like most people. My heart can’t…won’t…feel the same things they do in the same ways…and I don’t care if the rules of society say a pure and devoted prince is what I should somehow want. He’d changed since the UR-1 Incident…but did I ever make him think it was a bad thing outside his imprisonment? Between that…Europe’s scene…and the Wunder Bar and the Wright Anything Agency…why would I ever judge him for any of that?
His dark gaze swept over her as he spoke.
“I don’t know if you want a ruffian, when you could have a prince. And I don’t know what the hell my dear detective twins want. But if you want a ruffian, Athena, and if they’re… amenable to such a thing… we could perhaps come to a rough arrangement. The three– four of us. It’s no noble romance that you deserve. But that’s all I have to offer you.”
Athena startled as he continued, her mouth open to object before he’d continued. Her gaze softened, and she turned a surprised pink.
“….I don’t think I deserve a noble romance, Simon.” she said in a quiet and even voice, omitting any of her usual projection. She rubbed her arm, and gave him a small but genuine smile.
“And not because of self esteem. I was the one who came on the white horse, but I’m not a prince. I’m unusual– I’m difficult to understand, and I see things in ways most people don’t. I’m not …I’m not looking for a prince , or a noble romance. I’m looking for someone who cares about me, and I care for them back.” She turned a slight pink despite her subdued emotional state. “….and I did find that cramped bed in Cauli strangely comfortable.”
He lifted his chin, looking her over, and he reached out his free hand and touched her arm. “You said as much in the car. I wasn’t sure if I was reading too much into your intentions when you said it, but– it’s why I felt like I could say what I just did.”
Athena’s eyes hesitantly met with his, and she placed her hand against his fingers with a quiet smile.
“I’m glad you could say it…and I mean it when I say I’m willing to try it, Simon. Coming to some kind of ‘rough arrangement’ if they’re amenable, I mean. I can’t promise I’ll be smooth or that I won’t falter here and there, I’m still learning a lot about how to process these sorts of feelings , but…”
Simon’s fingers curled around her arm gently as she put her hand on his. “I don’t think that I’m far ahead of you, admittedly.”
She nodded, and leaned over the table. “We’re both learning, Mr. Halblicht is sure to be too– it’s likely to be messy, but I’m willing to try. You know my feelings for you, and I can assure you that..that I want this, if we’re all amenable to it.”
“The heart wants what the heart wants, I suppose,” he said, looking off into the distance. He slipped his arm around her. “This is going to be messy, Athena, if it goes forward. We’re likely going to hurt each other in unexpected ways. But I suppose I’m a selfish man in my way.”
Athena leaned into his arm and nodded slowly.
“The heart wants what the heart wants. And I’m– I’m a little selfish myself. I don’t want to give up those moments of joy I started to find in Cauli, with you or with them.” She smiled wanly. “I’ll wade through any mess, or hurt, if it means a future where we can be a part of each other’s lives. If we’re all amenable…”
“I’m supposed to meet up with Halblicht in a couple of hours or so,” Simon murmured thoughtfully. “I suppose it will be a good idea to get the conversation out of the way.”
Athena took a deep breath, and looped both her arms around him in a sudden gesture, leaning under his arm with a small smile
“It’s probably for the best. Like ripping a bandaid off. Can’t know how to move forward if we’re still in limbo, right?”
“No. And I’ve been in limbo for too long, Athena. Seven years too long. Do forgive me if it means that I rush forward.”
Athena leaned up and kissed his cheek “I think we’ve all spent too long in limbo, Simon. I’m…I’m not exactly keen on waiting around cautiously either. So I’d say you’re more than forgiven already!”
“Thank you, Athena. And I’m sorry too, for all the ways in the future that I will surely hurt you, and let you down. I’m a humble man– I know it will happen.”
Athena chuckled softly.
“It might. But life isn’t a fairy tale or a noble stage play. All that’s just part of life.” She poked his chest. “I’m sure to let you down , or even hurt you, sometimes too.”
Simon laughed incredulously. “I’m almost looking forward to it. A relationship, perhaps, is like a struggle in the courtroom. But– let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We still have to take our case to Bobby and Robert.”
Athena winked at him.
“We know a lot about struggling in the courtroom, Mr. Blackquill.” She rubbed her chin thoughtfully “…if we gotta take our case to them…should we prepare evidence?”
Simon gave her a dubious look and raised an eyebrow. “I’m curious just what you’ll suggest we prepare.”
“Well…if the things I’ve gleaned from the sorts of shows and comics Mr. Wright owns are true– a powerpoint or slideshow is traditional.”
Simon stared at her with increasing dumbfounded condescension. “Go on.”
Athena shrunk down in her chair, and finally drank a sip of her cooling coffee.
“you…put…together a slideshow…of…uhm..” she murmured “pictures and pros and cons…” She took a longer sip of the coffee with a flush “OH! M ixtapes! Mixtapes are even more traditional! Mr. Wright even endorsed that one!”
“A mix tape. A slide-show. And what, pray tell Cykes-dono, do you suggest we include here? Go on. Give me an example of what the content of this would be.”
Athena gave him an awkward smile, shrugging her shoulders with a grin “A song that makes you think of the three of us? To uh…really sell it as a polypossibility?”
Simon put his hand to his face, and dragged it down his cheek, staring at her in utter horror. “… yes I think Bobby would love that.”
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