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Dear fans of “problematic” characters, ships, and media,
I want you to listen to me very carefully. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and it’s time I said it out loud.
Hiding your preferences in fiction will not protect you forever. I repeat, hiding your preferences in fiction will not protect you forever.
Here’s what happens instead. You get smaller. And because you get smaller, antis rush in to claim what should’ve been your space and get louder. It’s intimidating, so you get even smaller to escape them. Then they claim the space that should’ve been yours and get louder. And louder. Repeat ad nauseam until you’re shoved into a corner so small you can hardly breathe. And you can’t live that way, so eventually you leave fandom. Cue the antis laughing and celebrating because that’s exactly what they wanted: they’ve driven you out.
Now, that should be the end of it, right? Except it isn’t. Fandom isn’t a separate universe from the real world. You might feel like it is, but the two are intimately linked. It’s no coincidence anti rhetoric has overrun western fandom at the same time that we’re seeing a resurgence in conservative, reactionary politics.
The goal is the same across the board. They want to control every part of your life. If that fails, they’ll settle for outright eliminating you. That’s why antis are so startlingly casual about sending death threats. It’s also why radical conservatives stockpile guns and fantasize about the day they get to use them. It’s the same damn attitude, the same intolerance for anyone who thinks differently than them.
(What a tragedy that so many antis are some flavor of queer. They’re parroting people who, in the real world, are itching to eliminate them too.)
If we don’t get in the habit of pushing back, things are only going to get worse for “freaks” and “weirdos” like us. So I’m begging you to start building those push-back muscles. Draw a boundary, even if it’s invisible to everyone but you, and plant your feet there. Tell yourself, “No, they don’t get to chase me out any further than this.” Then, as you get more comfortable, take your space back one step at a time.
It’s okay if you have to start small. In fact, I encourage it. Think of the tiniest baby step you can take and do that.
- Send an anon to a blog that’s pro-problematic media (a great way to start voicing your opinions safely).
- Create a sideblog that’s totally separate from your main.
- Turn off anons on your blog(s).
- Hide your likes and the list of blogs you follow.
- Message people privately who share your interests. If you feel a good vibe, keep the conversation going until you can call them friends.
- Join a Discord server for your “problematic interest.”
- Block antis the second you see them.
- Slowly, piece by piece, build a little community that supports you.
And then, when it feels right, start stretching your limits.
- Send an ask without turning on anon.
- Reblog a “problematic” post on your main.
- Re-enable anons on your own blog (only if you want to – personally, I have no desire to do that yet, but I’m getting there).
- And so on and so forth 🙂
Take it as slow as you need to, lean hard on your trusted friends, and don’t be ashamed if it gets too stressful and you have to back off for a while. Dealing with anti bullshit is fkn hard.
And of course, always prioritize your health and safety. I would never tell a queer teenager to come out if they’re still living with their abusive, homophobic family. Same with a “problematic” fan who’s surrounded by antis!
Just remember, there are many more people like you than you might suspect. Both in fandom and out of it.
THIS. ALL OF THIS 👏
It is NEVER just fandom. This shit happened to me in real life and people trying to do the same in fandom spaces ever since this summer is the exact same feeling. And if you let it happen in fandom spaces, you’re prone to let it happen in your real life spaces. There is no neat line between those two. They coexist. And if you let yourself be pushed back in one, you’re automatically more vulnerable to let yourself be pushed back in the other as well because you get used to letting yourself be pushed back. It’s easier sometimes, yes. But letting it happen comes at a price on the long run so please…don’t let them push you back.
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