Do you have any advice/resources on how to contact a potential headmate? I feel like I might have a system but I can’t seem to reach or “talk to” any of the members or find an inner world or anything.
Your best bet is to just keep trying to initiate contact and conversation, even if you don’t feel like you’re getting a response.
- When you’re picking something to eat, ask for someone else’s input.
- When you’re watching something, ask what they think.
- Grab a pad of paper and write down questions, then write an answer ‘as’ your system member/let your system member answer. See if it feels right.
- Do the same but via discord. Create a separate pluralkit tag for them and try to talk back and forth. See if it feels like someone else or if it just feels like you.
- Just keep poking whenever you think of it. Ask their opinion on things that happen and choices you make during the day.
- Be aware that not all system communication is verbal or seems verbal. Especially in the early days it can be feelings, nonverbal thoughts, internal body language, etc.
If any of our plural followers have any more advice please chime in.
Something I recommend a lot in the very early days is actually a variation of the notebook recommendation. What’s written is great but it relies on the ability to be cocon or cofronting, which is something you have to learn or develop over time in my experience.
Rather, leave the notebook out with a question. It can be any question. Give it some time and see if an answer shows up at any point. If you’re new to the discovery of being a system or you’re musing over the thought, you’re likely still in the stages of heavy amnesiac barriers. That means you won’t remember the actions of another alter or headmate when they front.
Leave the journal out and watch for a reply, I’d honestly recommend something like ‘What groceries do I need? (Will write as needed)“ or "What do I need from the store? (I keep forgetting to write this down)” – I recommend something inconspicuous as systems, particularly ones that arise from trauma, tend to be secretive and prefer to hide.
Step One is figuring out if anyone is there, and sometimes it’s best to do so quietly. Little “write down this helpful thing so I don’t forget” notes might prompt even the shiest of headmates to jot something down, and if you know for a fact you never intended to answer that question, yet there’s an answer on the paper, then you know someone is there.
As a note this is advice from a tramurgic system (I do not know if that’s how it’s spelled) so this may not work as well for an endogenic system. Everyone is valid but some methods may work while others don’t.
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