Being aplatonic is such an odd place to be, I hope you don’t mind me musing on it in your inbox. The one person I’d call a friend of mine is someone who I used to have romantic feelings for, for like the first five years we knew each other. My romantic feelings did go away, leaving the closeness and loyalty built up by all those years, so I have a love for him that I can only call friendship… but he’s the only person I’ve ever felt that with. Like, IS that what platonic love is? And if I’m honest I still have occasional flare-ups (for lack of a better word) of romantic feelings.And I have a lot of people I would say are what you defined as ‘buddies’, who I’ve known for years. I’m happy to talk with and spend time with them, and I wish them the best, but I don’t feel… warm towards them. I’m not cold, I’m just not warm, I recognize that I do not love them.It’s a confusing place to be, lol.
I don’t mind at all!
The situation you mention with your one friend being someone you had romantic feelings for for a long time– that’s actually a very relatable situation to me. The person I call my “best friend” or my “brother” I had unrequited romantic feelings for for like, definitely 10 years at least. And like in your case, they flare up on occasion. V_V
I’m glad the “buddies” terminology makes sense! That’s definitely a feeling I have a lot. People I enjoy spending time with, but there’s not that pull to any kind of deeper relationship.
It really is a confusing place to be. So much of our society and societal expectations is built on the understanding of these feelings that you and I just don’t have.
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