madgastronomer:
lesbofujo:
dxs4all:
butterflyinthewell:
paradoxlemonade:
Allistic people really need to stop phrasing requests as questions because it’s fucking with me
“Do you want to help me cook dinner?”
No, I’m still overwhelmed from earlier and want to stay in my room.
“well fine, dinner will be ready when it’s done.” And now they’re upset with me
And I’m just here like ???????
Oh God I hate it when they frame it like that because it sounds like a choice, but if you say no they get all offended. It’s an illusion of choice and it’s so annoying.
If I ever ask something, it’s an offer, not a demand. “Hey, wanna watch a movie with me? No? Okay, I’ll go watch it, you chill here and I hope you feel better.”
I can’t count the times I got in trouble because of that as a kid while never having any idea what exactly I did wrong.
Those requests with only one correct response disguised as questions with multiple answers just made me think I couldn’t actually say “no” to anything (because I had no idea which ones were the secret requests), something I still have trouble to this day.
Also when they just make an observation but they expect you to know that they’re asking for something. Like “Oh the trash can is pretty full.” But they really mean “Could you take the trash out?” Just fuckign say what you mean 😒
Here’s the thing. They’ve literally been trained since childhood to do it this way, and probably do not realize that what they’re saying can be interpreted another way. It’s an Ask vs Guess problem. In particular, a lot of women are taught to phrase things is a Guess way. The way they were taught to speak, they are saying what they mean.
If you want someone in your life to switch from Guess to Ask with you, then you need to have a discussion with them, Ask them to meet you somewhere in the middle on this, possibly explain the difference in cultures, definitely explain, “When you say $THING, it does not mean to me what it means to you”, and then understand that it will take them time and work to change, and that you may need to be an active participant in that change. You can do this by remembering that things do not mean the same to them that they do to you, and, when they say, “Do you want to cook dinner with me?” replying with, “Are you asking me to do that, or are you asking me if I’d like it?”
Yes, I understand that this will be hard for you also. You and this person in your life will both need to work on this, together, and be forgiving of one another.
This is not something the other person is intentionally doing to you, or at you. They are speaking as they were taught to speak, that’s all. It happens to conflict with your neurodivergence. That happens. It can be dealt with.