There was a certain level of pain that Karl Heisenberg was in every day of his life. It was his constant companion. As far as he knew, it was a simple fact of his being alive. It was a simple fact of what had been done to his body.
The pain waxed and waned but it never fully departed. There were herbs from Donna that helped but they dulled his mind and sent him to the land of the half dead.
Despite everything, Karl wanted to live. He wanted to live even though it hurt, even though it was hard.
He wanted to live, and he wanted to be in charge of his own life. And so he fought through the pain. He lived with the pain. He savored it. He trusted it.
Being in pain meant that he was still fighting.
Karl Heisenberg dreamed of a body that didn’t ache, and dreamed of a life where he wasn’t a slave and a prisoner. But he would endure both.
He would endure them as long as he had to. He would drink the joy in there was to be had from them, and he would come out the other side.
–
This is such an apt description of the kind of chronic pain that goes hand in hand with being chronically ill. When I started writing my fic I didn’t mean to make the fmc a mirror but that’s how it turned out and logically to me at least it makes sense that there would be a certain amount of constant discomfort that those with a codou would go through all the time.
Comment
