Personal musings on platonic relationships and experiences (as an aplatonic).
Friendship: An intense, mutually supportive, emotionally intimate, and potentially physically intimate platonic relationship with the expectation that this relationship will be intentionally sustained, maintained, and refreshed over time, by both parties equally, ideally indefinitely, without being damaged by changes in the lives of the parties engaged in the relationship.Ā
Camaraderie (or fellowship): A situational feeling of platonic intimacy and good will between parties generated by a mutual pursuit of a goal, participation in shared interest, activity or hobby, or participation or defense of a shared ideal or belief. A sense of camaraderie is generated when parties are engaged together in something which may be bonded over.
A sense of camaraderie or fellowship might be generated by: sitting down with a new group to play Dungeons & Dragons, running next to someone for a few minutes during a foot race, attending an event to support the same cause, playing on the same side of a pick-up sporting competition, posting about the same fandom ship online.
Friend: Someone with whom a person shares a relationship of friendship. The key elements of a friend are an extended duration of time, and a level of emotional intimacy that is deeper than bonding over shared activities.
Comrade/Fellow: Someone with whom a person shares a sense of camaraderie or fellowship. The key elements of a fellow or comrade are a shared sense of purpose or interest, and a temporary or limited duration, and intimacy that are not deeper than bonding over a shared activity or interest.
Buddy/Pal: Someone with whom a person shares a level of emotional intimacy or good will deeper than camaraderie, or camaraderie over a sustained period of time, or with multiple points of camaraderie to bond over, but more casual and without the expectation of dedication, deliberate maintenance, or sustained duration over time that comes with a friendship.
As an aplatonic (speaking for myself only and not for other aplatonics):Ā
- I experience situational feelings of camaraderie/fellowship
- I have many buddies/pals at different times, and happily engage in casual, temporary platonic relationships based on mutual interests.
- I do not experience a desire or urge to create or maintain friendships over the expected duration at the expected level of commitment or intimacy.
- I am capable of creating and maintaining friendships over the expected duration and at the expected level of commitment and intimacy despite my lack of desire to do so.
- I find it difficult to understand when other people are experiencing feelings of friendship toward me.
- I find it difficult to differentiate when people are experiencing feelings of friendship toward me versus when they are experiencing feelings of romantic affection toward me.
- I find it difficult to differentiate the appropriate and expected level of emotional or physical intimacy in a given platonic relationship.
- I find it uncomfortable when someone whom I consider a buddy or a pal and have a casual relationship with appears to desire a more intimate or sustained level of friendship.