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Things that I deal with as an osddid system:
– feeling like a stranger in my life and my own body
– not recognizing my surroundings, my friends, or my face in the mirror
– having no agency or autonomy in my own life
– living in a fog, feeling blurry, lost, and confused
– watching someone you don’t know live your life and pretend to be you
– often overwhelmed with a sense of fear, anxiety, and dread for no apparent reason
– poor social skills, fails at interpersonal relationships
– can’t remember who I was last year, what I ate for breakfast, or prior commitments I had made
– often feel like I’m watching my life pass by as a movie, or something that I have no control or influence over
– have difficulties accessing the care I need as a system due to institutional ableism
– my disorder often demonized, stigmatized, and misrepresented by singlets
Things I DON’T deal with as an osddid system
– endo systems taking away resources allocated for disordered systems
– endo systems making it harder for singlets to take systems seriously (newsflash: singlets don’t take any systems seriously, regardless of origins!)
– endo systems trying to convince me that I don’t have trauma, that my trauma wasn’t bad enough to form my system, or that I’m actually endogenic and not traumagenic
– endo systems demonizing or stigmatizing osddid (if anything they help DESTIGMATIZE my disorder by advocating for plurality in general)
I genuinely do not understand why so many osddid systems hate endo systems so much. If anything, endo systems have helped me come to terms with my plurality and finally receive help for my debilitating disorder. Their hate is misdirected at fellow systems when it should be aimed at the singlets who further stigmatize and misrepresent osddid all while denying disordered systems access to the care they need.
How is this so hard to understand? Can another disordered system help explain this to me? Granted, I’m hardly ever here or present (dissociation babey!) but I’m having such a hard time comprehending why syscourse is even a thing. It’s obvious to me that we should be banding together to fight institutional ableism… not tearing our own spaces apart by hating fellow systems like this!
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