BlackHeart Biohazards

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by admin on January 16, 2023 at 5:45 pm

homunculus-argument:

Was talking with my therapist about how it’s possible to completely lose one’s own identity to people-pleasing – when you grow up being constantly preoccupied with concerns about what other people want, and the ideal outcome is always whatever makes everyone else happy, it’s possible to simply not learn to know yourself at all. If the only thing you’ve ever strived for in life is to make everyone else happy, you just never pause to think what you want, or what you would enjoy, independently from anyone else’s desires.

As an example of this, I recalled that for the longest time, I just didn’t listen to music when I was alone, because the thought never occurred to me. I didn’t have my own taste in music, I was fine with listening to whatever the people I was with wanted to listen to, but whose music would I be listening to if I wasn’t with anyone else? She thought this was a great observation, and gave me a homework assignment to find a song I like, just on my own and for myself, and show it to her next week.

So I guess my therapist is about to learn about the existence of mongolian folk metal.

Mongolian folk metal is pretty great, imo

└ Tags: cw abuse, cw trauma, Uncategorized

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My bxyfriend’s main blog got KO’d, and it took out all of the side blogs too. 😡

by admin on January 16, 2023 at 5:21 pm

Posted In: Uncategorized

Oh no! That sucks! 😲 I don’t even understand why some blogs just get wiped off the face of the map…

└ Tags: correspondence, Uncategorized, 🌺😈

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hi, this is mukuro kin anon again.though, maybe “kin” might not be the right term? i didn’t know there were other terms, i just thought everything was covered under “kin”, so forgive me for being kinda clumsy with my words here. i’m gonna just continue saying “kin” for now because it’s easier and i’m not entirely sure what else it might be.mukuro is not my first kintype, i do have one other that is much… stronger? i guess? that being storyshift chara. i say “stronger” because while i can sorta disassociate mukuro from myself, i absolutely cannot with chara. that is me and i can’t see them as anything but me. anyways, no this isn’t my first rodeo, but chara didn’t really come with anywhere near the magnitude of strong feelings and associations that mukuro did. i have a fondness for the dreemurr family that stems from seeing them as my family, but that’s about it.but with mukuro, all of the emotion and shit is concentrated solely on one person (junko), but god damn is it intense. and i don’t really know what to do with (gestures vaguely) …all that.

by admin on January 16, 2023 at 5:07 pm

Posted In: Uncategorized

Yeah, I’m not surprised the emotion surrounding Junko is intense, given your connection to Mukuro, anon, whatever that turns out to be.

The way I see it, you have three options ahead of you.

1️⃣ Embrace those feelings: just go with the flow and fandom all over Junko, get real into her as an F/O, comfort character, whatever, celebrate and embrace that connection and see where it takes you.

2️⃣ Reject those feelings: Push them away. Recontextualize them, redirect them onto someone else, explore other emotions and interpretations of that relationship with Junko.

3️⃣ Put it off until later: Don’t interact with those feelings about Junko for now, ignore them and redirect your focus onto other aspects of Mukuro’s life and existence, if you’re able to.

I have to admit we may not be the best person to talk to about this specific relationship. We as a system have a lot of history with Junko in our fictionkin experiences, and I (😼🔪) am personally in a relationship with our Mukuro in our partner system.

When our Mukuro first woke up here, her memories stopped at the moment that she died in canon. She was extremely traumatized, and I spent a lot of time walking her through her feelings, convincing her of her own worth, and pointing out what I saw as a relationship with Junko that was entirely one sided. Our Junko didn’t care about Mukuro at all. If she had, even a little bit, I would have been able to forgive her.

But it’s entirely possible that YOUR Junko was different. I don’t know your experience of being Mukuro, and I don’t know how Junko treated you, how you related to her, or if she cared about you even a little bit.

I hope she did, anon.

But I have to be real with you and say my exotrauma is not gonna let me be clearheaded about this one.