I do not. Consider myself or want to be labeled with or even associated with the term proship but I feel like I’m being forced into it. My ship has a age gap (me as the younger party) that people would say is predatory and grooming but. He isn’t real. He can’t hurt me. And I feel no attraction to IRL people in any way– I never have so I will never attempt to replicate my ship. Yet I feel dirty and disgusting esp since I feel sexually toward him. What am I supposed to do? I don’t want to be bad. (This is a genuine good faith question and I hold no ill will toward you as a proshipper– I don’t feel like my friends would respond level headed so I just thought maybe you were safe. But please delete this and block me if you don’t want to answer. Thanks.)
Hi, friend. It sounds like you’re really struggling right now, and I’m sorry to hear that.
I’m also really sorry to hear that you don’t have friends that you can trust to talk about this with.
“Proship” can be a scary word to associate yourself with, due to the way that antis demonize and misuse it, and attack anyone who uses the term. I can’t blame you for not wanting to apply it to yourself. It is always okay to protect yourself from harassment, even if that means not using a word that might technically apply to you.
It sounds like you understand what proship is really all about: that you are in control of your fictional experience, what you write and what you consume. That fictional characters and acts can’t hurt you, and its normal and okay to enjoy things in fiction that you wouldn’t enjoy in real life.
You say you don’t want to be bad.
Anon, I promise you, you are not bad.
Your taste in fiction does not make you bad.
Sexual feelings in fiction are completely different than sexual feelings for a real, living person who is in real life. There are lots of ace people who are only attracted to people in fiction, and it does not change that they are ace.
Being attracted to a fictional murderer doesn’t make you bad. Wanting to ride a roller coaster doesn’t mean you want to jump off a cliff.
It sounds like you are struggling with a lot of feelings of guilt and shame. I want to reassure you that those feelings are misplaced. Your thoughts and fiction are not something that is shameful, or that you should feel guilty for.
You deserve both to feel safe, and to be happy.
My advice to you is to go ahead and indulge your fictional feelings. Create a separate blog or a side blog and keep it away from people that you think will harass you for it. Allow yourself to explore the fiction that you want to explore.
You are the one who knows your feelings best, anon. You know that liking this character and this fiction is not going to make you harm anyone in real life.
Please take care and stay safe. I hope to see you around, even if I don’t know its you.
Discussion ¬