I’m still trapped in Resident Evil space, so you’re getting a Jill x Chris fic here.
It was the end of the world. Or at least it seemed like it. Chris Redfield had drafted Jill Valentine back into his Houndwolf Squad the instant those pricks in the lab coats decided she wasn’t a threat to national security. Years of pokes and prodding by needles, blood draws, tests…gave way to the comfort of an old friend and a place in his personal squad.
Despite the side-eyes and muttered remarks from some of her ‘comrades’ about the ‘BOW’ on their side , Jill was there to stay. Her and her partner against the world, just like the old days.
Only now as she stood with her rifle balanced on a rocky outcropping, watching black mold tendrils erupt from the earth, and hearing the howl of hundreds of ravenous wolfmen in the wind…
It sure felt like the world was ending.
Ever since Wesker died, it felt like the world was slowly ending, tearing apart at the seams. She suspected Chris felt the same, given his grave expression and the ever growing emotional separation from everyone who wasn’t her…with Ethan being case study #1. ‘don’t get close and you won’t get hurt’.
Too late for that, though. Jill thought as she glanced over at Chris Redfield, who was loading his pistol with a fresh clip, a determined scowl on his face as he prepared to avenge Ethan’s loss.
“Hey, Redfield.” Jill spoke up , pushing away her nightvision goggles, and balaclava. “Sure feels like a hell on earth down there.”
“Jill.” Chris slid the slide back on his weapon, and when satisfed with it’s condition, let it snap closed. “if we don’t stop Miranda here and now, there may not be another tomorrow for any of us.”
He glowered down at the mad village below “Hell’s not down there, it’s up here.”
Jill walked over, her hand making it’s way to his shoulder “and we’re it’s messengers, partner. So let’s give her a memo she won’t forget.”
Sweeping the broad, stoic man around, she planted her lips on his in a desperate kiss. The village was mad, the world could be ending, so who knew if she’d ever get another.
It felt like the end of the world. But as Chris returned her desperate affection…she hoped to hell she was wrong.
Hi, friend. It sounds like you’re really struggling right now, and I’m sorry to hear that.
I’m also really sorry to hear that you don’t have friends that you can trust to talk about this with.
“Proship” can be a scary word to associate yourself with, due to the way that antis demonize and misuse it, and attack anyone who uses the term. I can’t blame you for not wanting to apply it to yourself. It is always okay to protect yourself from harassment, even if that means not using a word that might technically apply to you.
It sounds like you understand what proship is really all about: that you are in control of your fictional experience, what you write and what you consume. That fictional characters and acts can’t hurt you, and its normal and okay to enjoy things in fiction that you wouldn’t enjoy in real life.
You say you don’t want to be bad.
Anon, I promise you, you are not bad.
Your taste in fiction does not make you bad.
Sexual feelings in fiction are completely different than sexual feelings for a real, living person who is in real life. There are lots of ace people who are only attracted to people in fiction, and it does not change that they are ace.
Being attracted to a fictional murderer doesn’t make you bad. Wanting to ride a roller coaster doesn’t mean you want to jump off a cliff.
It sounds like you are struggling with a lot of feelings of guilt and shame. I want to reassure you that those feelings are misplaced. Your thoughts and fiction are not something that is shameful, or that you should feel guilty for.
You deserve both to feel safe, and to be happy.
My advice to you is to go ahead and indulge your fictional feelings. Create a separate blog or a side blog and keep it away from people that you think will harass you for it. Allow yourself to explore the fiction that you want to explore.
You are the one who knows your feelings best, anon. You know that liking this character and this fiction is not going to make you harm anyone in real life.
Please take care and stay safe. I hope to see you around, even if I don’t know its you.
